Inspired

Sorry its been so long.

Today was just a fun ordinary day but something so small made it pretty awesome.

After a movie date with Alli I went to Panera off of Golf and Roselle to be productive. I sat in a inconspicuous corner, plugged my laptop in and started working on my essays and pictures. After a couple hours, I sat there with a rumbling stomach and a really sore neck. Hunching over a laptop for hours is just no good. I asked a very sweet old couple if they could watch my stuff, went over to the cashier and ordered a kids meal grill cheese sandwich and broccoli cheddar soup in a bowl. I seem to have a funny love affair with food. As I was walking back, holding my food, I had an incredibly hard time not smiling. I sat in front of my food, bowed my head and prayed.

A couple minutes in, as I was eating my food and watching House, a man walks up to me. He asks if he could say a few words and I said sure. He sat across from me with a smile on his face and an eagerness to his speech. He told me that he is a pastor at a local youth group and he had a tough day. He was really discouraged by the kids in his youth group, felt that there wasn’t change. A smile sneaked onto his face as he said, ” But I saw you praying for your food. You were alone in Panera, surrounded by people and you still prayed. For some reason, seeing you pray made me think that even my youth group kids could still grow up to be people of God.” In my disbelief, I was speechless. Something so small to me was huge for this man. I told him that I was thankful that he came up to me and told me. I shared that I’m more encouraged to be faithful in the small things during mundane times. As we said our goodbyes, I couldn’t help to feel a sense of joy. God works in everything.

Where I gotta be

Its been a while. A Lot has changed, some things have oddly stayed the same. I guess right now I’m trying to figure out where I have to be, where God wants me to go. He will lead me where He sees fit. I have to keep praying

Schools:

Cornish College of Art, Seattle

Montserrat College of Art, Boston

Savannah College of Art and Design, Atlanta

Maine College of Art, Maine

Art Center of Design, SanFran

SanFran Institute of Art, SanFran

University of Illinois, Champaign

let’s make lemonade.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

-

mmm. i am blessed

the odd flow of things

I had a train of thought that came from my utter emotions. I felt… afraid, confused, a sudden clutch on my heart that froze me. But through these emotions, as I went through the process of thinking and calming down, I realized there are only two things in my life that are completely and one hundred percent certain: I am in need of a saviour and I have a Saviour that is willing to fill my need.

I was browsing through Minsoo’s pictures from Ms this past semester. While re-living the memories, I came across this picture:

These are my arms. To make the Prison skit even more realistic and hardcore, we received fake tattoos of dinosaurs and Power Rangers. The thing that oddly got to me about this picture is you cant see my scars ( maybe minsoo did some photoshop). Before I became a Christian in high school, I tried to commit suicide when I was 14. It left scars on my right wrist ( Power ranger ) that grew more and more transparent as my years grew. These days, its not very easy to see but in high school they used torment me. I used to be unable to deal with the questions and pondering stares about them. I dream that when I go to heaven, I’ll look down at my wrist and see that it’ll be all gone. It won’t exist anymore.

In many ways, my scars represent my sin. They represent my failures, my selfishness, anger and pride. I see it all and I think, ” How can I? How could I possibly fight all of this on my own?” I’m so thankful for who God is. Even in the midst of fires and storms He has a purpose and it is GOOD. Even when everything feels so wrong and you think you’ll never make it, He is doing it. I thought about this and I wonder how non-believers do it. When things get incredibly hard, who do they go to? How are they secure? The world needs a Saviour. In our very worst and even our best, we can turn to God with confidence and know He will only give us good gifts. He will always be our rock, our true love, our king. But they don’t know Him and don’t know the joy of being saved.

Why do we live like we don’t have a Saviour? Why do we turn to things that we know deep inside will never fulfill us? If we’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, perfect everything we wanted to perfect, be loved by those we desired to love us, gain the respect of everyone we desired it from, be loved by all…  would it ever be enough? Would it ever completely satisfy? The world has already shown us that it cannot do it for us. Is it worth it to seperate ourselves from God for these things?

Lock- in this past Friday was one of the best ones for me. Not because I stayed up all night and prayed the most or because it was the easiest. It was because from these months of being in the fire, I could finally see the fruit. Even if its just the beginning of it, I was so in awe of what God is doing. I know that nothing could fill me like Jesus can. I know that being in this time of hardship isn’t worth it if things resolve the way that I want… it is worth it because of this. Because of this relationship between God and me. Because I can have faith and grow and trust Him above all.

I’ve lost sight… but I’m getting back on track again. Its time to do it right

Walking, stumbling

Its been a while since I’ve had time and energy to post on this. These weeks have been so crazy. This day in particular was, how do I say, deep. (kind of long… bear with me)

I woke up to a phone call. This night in particular I had a lot of trouble sleeping. It was as if my biggest and deepest fears were all happening in different scenarios right before my eyes. I even remember sitting up and thinking that I had to do something or change a certain way I was acting. Oddly enough, I knew in the back of my mind this was a dream but I still followed such actions and felt these emotions.

After answering the phone call, I had a faint dream and then couldn’t move. Dang it, I thought, not right now. Sure enough I was more drained and barely made it to class before the clock struck 1:15 pm.

Once I settled in and said hi to my classmates, I realized something. In the rush, I forgot to bring my only Praise night flier. To give some background, I’ve been building a friendship with my classmate, Anora. I’ve had the privilege to get to know her and her son, Sage. It has been one of my desires to get her to come to PN. She is an extremely talented artist and an amazing, loving single mom. At this point, I glanced over at her and thought, ” You know, I don’t have to pursue her every day. I’m just so tired. I already told her about it.” but then thinking about it again, when did Jesus ever rest to rescue my soul? Honestly, he could’ve said, ” You know what? I’m going to die for everyone anyway so I can rest a day or two.” But he never rested.

In a bit of hesitation, I asked her how shes doing and commented about me being sore. She asked me why and then we discussed about MS. I asked her if she was still free for Friday and she said maybe. I told her if she and Sage came it’d be great. Its a lot of fun. With more consideration, she took a piece of tape and wrote her number on it. ” Call me Friday and I’ll let you know.”

Driving back to my apartment, I passed FAR and merged as I followed Lincoln to turn left onto Gregory st. Around LAR, as pedestrians walked in front of the car ahead of me, I also came to a stop. As soon as I made my windshield wipers take away the drizzle, my car did a immediate thrust forward with a metal crunching sound. Fender bender. I look back and an anxious, shocked girl in thick black glasses and an Iowa hoody looked forward at me. We parked our cars and got out. Immediately, she apologized to me a dozen; almost at the brink of hyperventilating. I looked at her and smiled. ” Hey, don’t worry. I’m okay. Are you okay?” I heard myself say. We looked at the damage and I calmly asked her for her info. I told her I would call her and figure things out with her; then we parted.

Thinking back, I could’ve been angry, blamed her for making me have to file a police report and get an estimate on the cost of the damage. I could have been annoyed, in my tiredness, and gave her a lot of attitude. But somehow, God worked. I really think in these small moments of my life is where I need to show Jesus the most. I don’t post this to show how holy I am. Definitely the opposite I am. The truth is, there is nothing in me that can show Christ without Christ actually doing it for me. This is what it means to “turn from your sinful ways” and follow Christ. To follow is to show. To show Christ is to love. God is definitely showing how faithful He is in these moments of my days.

Something that has kept me going:

” He must become greater; I must become less” John 3:30

Don’t give up. There is fruit even if you cant see it =)

Dots # 2… or 3

Its been a crazy few weeks. God has been very faithful.

So this is where I am for the night. Not too much to finish =)

Praise God for getting me through these weeks. I’m tired, struggling, want to give up sometimes.. but God is faithful. I can only continue because of Him.

Shake it off

Illustrate the wind.

a side swipe, a slap in the face; a sudden realization that you are not where you’re suppose to be

tell the fall

stumble… catching yourself with your hands before you hit the ground entirely. weight, regret, dissapointment

show the rise

realize the ground that caught you. feel how stable it is. look forward and get up… slowly but surely. get up. get up.

.

( to be continued )

Dots

Progress picture number one. This is done completely of millions and billions of little little dots that are driving me insane. I think I need like a couple more hours to finish it.

I’m going crazy but praise God that I can persevere

“Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I’ve never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in you

There’s distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it’s easier to stay
But I’ve heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in you