Why do you care?

I got inspired to tell a few stories. One is from the crazy morning I had today and the other is from a dream I had while I was napping. I don’t usually post my dreams but this one has been sticking on me.

What should we start with? Okay- the dream.

I’m not really sure how it began but I remember I was sitting on the CTA. I looked down at the street and didn’t really have a clue about where I was going. Suddenly, the doors opened and I stood, walking towards it. I looked and saw there was no platform or bridge for me to step off. Oddly enough I stepped out and there, I was standing on complete air. I took a few steps, less cautious than the last, starting to skip and gaining momentum as I gained courage. In an instant, I fell.

I didn’t crash into the concrete or end my dream with my bloody crushed skull in pieces but I was standing there as if none of this happened at all. A man appeared on my right. He looked at me and asked, “Why do you care so much?” Then he turned his head and looked at the CTA train I came from. The train and the train tracks began to rust and decay and completely fall apart.

Right then, the man looked at me again and asked me, ” Why do you   care?”  I woke up. For the rest of the afternoon that same question kept ringing in my mind. Maybe this is was about the decay of man and I was challenged upon why I do care. Or maybe its just a distraction. Who knows.

The second part is about my morning. I had a really hectic morning. I was still home at Mundelein and decided I would take the train early in the morning and make it to my 9am class. I ended up missing my 7:13 train and caught the 7:19 which was running 5 minutes late. It takes about an hour to get to Chicago from my area.

8:30 am- I get to Union station. I usually leave my apartment at this time

8:40 am – I get to my apartment after what should’ve been a 5 min taxi ride ended up being 10 mins

8:50 am- I’m outside of my apartment heading over to my school. Again, I usually leave around 8:30 to get there by 9. It takes around 15-20 minutes for me to walk there.

9:05am- I get to class…. ? How did this happen?

On my walk over to Michigan and Monroe, I remember thinking that I cant really do anything at this point. I just wanted to do my best and God would take care of it. It honestly made no sense that I made it to class at 9:05. All I could think of is maybe, God slowed down time. If God can do anything and He is creator of the universe… why cant he?

Christopher Walken on SNL

I was watching Netflixs and I came across the SNL Best of Christopher Walken. I love this man! I think he is one of the funniest men in movies. I recorded this off my laptop with my camera. You’ll hear a train go by at some point but it’s not too bad.

Isn’t he fantastic? Maybe I’ll post one of the Continental(s).

Photoshoot: Bessie

Jess aka Bessie Garten has been a great friend that I met last semester in a film class. She’s crazy, goofy and extremely down to earth. We finally got together to do a photoshoot and she is one of the best models I’ve ever had.

more at: http://leechristina.zenfolio.com/p457539622

Everything means everything

Yes. Again it has been a while… actually its been very close to a year. I don’t usually enjoy blogging unless I retain the energy that sparks the inspiration to blog. Usually this comes about from a curious moment or something completely outside of me; something I can only say is from God. Today, in particular, was one of those days.

I have art therapy class in Evanston. Literally, it is a 45 minute train ride and then I am in class for maybe an hour, hour and a half. On the way back I decided to grab some Mcds so I can enjoy some food as I go. As I was walking with the somewhat light paper bag containing a cheeseburger and fries of medium size, I see a young African-American kid run by me. As I see this, I feel a sudden tug. He was trying to steal my cheeseburger and fries. In an instant, I take a hold of the bag and for a few seconds we struggled for it. The next part will be told as a descriptive dialog:

Suddenly, I grabbed him by the arm

” If you asked me for it I would’ve given it to you.”

Puzzled. Stares at me for a second.

“Why would you do that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Hands him the bag. “Here. I’m not mad.”

Takes the bag and looks back at me with more confusion.

“Whats your deal? Why are you being nice?”

“I’m not better than you.”

After this we ended up sitting on a bench for ten minutes talking about struggles. I shared with him my substance issues I had in the past and how God helped me to overcome; he told me about his broken family and how difficult it is for him to come home. I gave him some encouraging words and went on my way to the train. I had to fight back tears once I settled on a seat.

When God says He will redeem everything and use everything- He means it. I would never have expected this. I’ll be blogging more. I know I keep saying that but I will try

Inspired

Sorry its been so long.

Today was just a fun ordinary day but something so small made it pretty awesome.

After a movie date with Alli I went to Panera off of Golf and Roselle to be productive. I sat in a inconspicuous corner, plugged my laptop in and started working on my essays and pictures. After a couple hours, I sat there with a rumbling stomach and a really sore neck. Hunching over a laptop for hours is just no good. I asked a very sweet old couple if they could watch my stuff, went over to the cashier and ordered a kids meal grill cheese sandwich and broccoli cheddar soup in a bowl. I seem to have a funny love affair with food. As I was walking back, holding my food, I had an incredibly hard time not smiling. I sat in front of my food, bowed my head and prayed.

A couple minutes in, as I was eating my food and watching House, a man walks up to me. He asks if he could say a few words and I said sure. He sat across from me with a smile on his face and an eagerness to his speech. He told me that he is a pastor at a local youth group and he had a tough day. He was really discouraged by the kids in his youth group, felt that there wasn’t change. A smile sneaked onto his face as he said, ” But I saw you praying for your food. You were alone in Panera, surrounded by people and you still prayed. For some reason, seeing you pray made me think that even my youth group kids could still grow up to be people of God.” In my disbelief, I was speechless. Something so small to me was huge for this man. I told him that I was thankful that he came up to me and told me. I shared that I’m more encouraged to be faithful in the small things during mundane times. As we said our goodbyes, I couldn’t help to feel a sense of joy. God works in everything.

Where I gotta be

Its been a while. A Lot has changed, some things have oddly stayed the same. I guess right now I’m trying to figure out where I have to be, where God wants me to go. He will lead me where He sees fit. I have to keep praying

Schools:

Cornish College of Art, Seattle

Montserrat College of Art, Boston

Savannah College of Art and Design, Atlanta

Maine College of Art, Maine

Art Center of Design, SanFran

SanFran Institute of Art, SanFran

University of Illinois, Champaign

let’s make lemonade.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

-

mmm. i am blessed

the odd flow of things

I had a train of thought that came from my utter emotions. I felt… afraid, confused, a sudden clutch on my heart that froze me. But through these emotions, as I went through the process of thinking and calming down, I realized there are only two things in my life that are completely and one hundred percent certain: I am in need of a saviour and I have a Saviour that is willing to fill my need.

I was browsing through Minsoo’s pictures from Ms this past semester. While re-living the memories, I came across this picture:

These are my arms. To make the Prison skit even more realistic and hardcore, we received fake tattoos of dinosaurs and Power Rangers. The thing that oddly got to me about this picture is you cant see my scars ( maybe minsoo did some photoshop). Before I became a Christian in high school, I tried to commit suicide when I was 14. It left scars on my right wrist ( Power ranger ) that grew more and more transparent as my years grew. These days, its not very easy to see but in high school they used torment me. I used to be unable to deal with the questions and pondering stares about them. I dream that when I go to heaven, I’ll look down at my wrist and see that it’ll be all gone. It won’t exist anymore.

In many ways, my scars represent my sin. They represent my failures, my selfishness, anger and pride. I see it all and I think, ” How can I? How could I possibly fight all of this on my own?” I’m so thankful for who God is. Even in the midst of fires and storms He has a purpose and it is GOOD. Even when everything feels so wrong and you think you’ll never make it, He is doing it. I thought about this and I wonder how non-believers do it. When things get incredibly hard, who do they go to? How are they secure? The world needs a Saviour. In our very worst and even our best, we can turn to God with confidence and know He will only give us good gifts. He will always be our rock, our true love, our king. But they don’t know Him and don’t know the joy of being saved.

Why do we live like we don’t have a Saviour? Why do we turn to things that we know deep inside will never fulfill us? If we’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, perfect everything we wanted to perfect, be loved by those we desired to love us, gain the respect of everyone we desired it from, be loved by all…  would it ever be enough? Would it ever completely satisfy? The world has already shown us that it cannot do it for us. Is it worth it to seperate ourselves from God for these things?

Lock- in this past Friday was one of the best ones for me. Not because I stayed up all night and prayed the most or because it was the easiest. It was because from these months of being in the fire, I could finally see the fruit. Even if its just the beginning of it, I was so in awe of what God is doing. I know that nothing could fill me like Jesus can. I know that being in this time of hardship isn’t worth it if things resolve the way that I want… it is worth it because of this. Because of this relationship between God and me. Because I can have faith and grow and trust Him above all.

I’ve lost sight… but I’m getting back on track again. Its time to do it right

Dots # 2… or 3

Its been a crazy few weeks. God has been very faithful.

So this is where I am for the night. Not too much to finish =)

Praise God for getting me through these weeks. I’m tired, struggling, want to give up sometimes.. but God is faithful. I can only continue because of Him.